Hi, I'm Chelsea, a 24 year old woman living in Baltimore, Maryland. I am currently working on getting my Cosmetology license so that I can work as a hairstylist.

I am recieving my training via apprenticeship. This means that I am trained on-the-job, and acquire the hours and knowledge necessary to pass my licensing exam from teachers and mentors at the salon in which I apprentice.

Many people ask me questions about my apprenticeship. They want to know if I went to school first, how long it takes, and if I'm "cutting hair yet". While the answers to these questions are simple, I often feel that these answers are not effectively communicated.

When people ask me, "So, are you finished with hair school or are you still finishing up?"
I say, "No, I actually am recieving my education exclusively through my apprenticeship." They almost always respond with a speechless "Ohhhhh."
Some are curious and intrigued, and seem to recognize the sense and practicality behind such an opportunity and arrangement. Others show signs of confusion, and in extreme cases, condescension.

When they ask, "So when will you be licensed?"
I say, "Well, apprenticeships in Maryland require that you recieve your education for 2 years, and I am a little over a year into it. So I have a little ways to go, but I'll be preparing for my test in the very near future".
They almost always respond with a surprised "Wow! Two years?! That's a long time!"
This response I find very interesting, and subtley insulting, because while I am certainly not suggesting that cutting hair is rocket science, it is a skill, and for those who wish for it to be more, it is an art. It requires time and dedication like any other job. It is a professional trade that requires an entirely new set of skills than those you had been using in conventional education.

When they ask, "So, Are you cutting hair yet?"
I say, "Well, yes. I always need models. I practice on mannequins and use models whenever possible. But I am not ready to be on the floor at this time."
They usually respond in a tone that suggests they wished they hadn't asked, and say, "Oh, okay."
This dialogue in particular brings me great stress. Am I not "cutting hair" if I am not cutting hair regularly on real people? Are they wondering why it's taking me so long to BE "cutting hair"?
A monsoon of self doubt drips down my brain, and I start to feel my efforts get swept aside into a little pile of dust to be discarded at the end of the day, only for the same experience to repeat itself the following day.

Part of this is obviously my own self-confidence, and part of it is that people are not informed or aware of educational alternatives, and in some cases, are turned off by its lack of formality. But the thing about apprenticeships is that it's informality is exactly why it is, in the cases of many trades, the best way to learn, not only the skill itself, but also in developing work ethic and exploring and expanding your own ideas and desires for your successes. There aren't long lectures in a giant auditorium or classroom, there isn't a highly structured lesson plan. Nothing is presented in a book and graded in any other exam but the one you take for your certification. It is an education to be experienced. It requires full commitment, and self motivation. This is an education with unsurmountable gains.

Do not get me wrong- I believe in higher education. I realize that formal education is imperative to many of the professions that heal us, build us, and defend us. But many professions do not require this same regimen of education.

College tuitions are higher than they have ever been. Students and families both are left with debts that will likely follow them for the rest of their lives. At one time, this wasn't the case, and college as the standard for success may have been realistic. But today, that standard is unsustainable, and anyone seeking a profession that can be supplemented by an alternative method of education, should not exclude that option, for their own benefit.

Another reason I chose to enter an apprenticeship was because I could not afford an education at a cosmetology school, and I did not want to go into debt if I could help it. I had heard from a friend that Maryland participates in apprenticeship programs, and I set out to find a salon that I could learn and grow with. I simply did it the old fashioned way- I called around, emailed around, and visited around, in search of salons that were interested in taking on an apprentice. I am now at one of the top up-and-coming salons in the country, and working with some of the most talented stylists in Baltimore, two of whom were also trained through apprenticeship.
I have a job secured for me there once I am licensed, and I am so well acquainted with the current clientelle that I will likely develop a more extensive professional relationship with them at some point. In addition, the salon is so busy that it always has a full list of potential clients waiting for an appointment.

I consider myself lucky. I am in the most stable position of most of my 20 something friends who have graduated from college. Most of them are working at cafes to make ends meet while they look for a position more geared towards their degree and career goals, and some eventually decide to go to grad school, so that they have a better chance of getting that job they thought they would get with their bachelor's.

I decided to share my educational experiences and ideas with you because I know that education is crucial in sustaining a healthy, responsible, capable society. I also decided to share it because the way we approach it directly affects the trajectory in which we will be moving in the next few years to come. We need for more people to realize that there are other opprotunities and skill sets available to them, that will be useful always.

This 20 something generation needs to understand that we are at a pivitol point in our civilization. When we look at our history, we can see the definition of every decade in the quality of life it lived. This decade, along with the past few, and potentially the future few, are going to be ones in our history that our grandchildren will look at and say,  "What were they thinking?", and depending on the decisions we make, maybe even "It must have been hard to live then." or "It must have been great to live then." Either response, means we are currently steering ourselves in the wrong direction.

Not to sound like your grandpa, but the spirit of individualism, entrepreneurship, liberty, courage, freedom, and prosperity are steadily depleting in our country.We must start being cognisant, aware, and responsible for our future, our childrens future, and their childrens future. We must stop trying to make a square peg fit in a round hole and acknowledge that "things" are different for us. While we may have made signigicant strides in social reform, and are still fighting to make those strides, we must not discount the crucial, extremely important health and maintanence of our economy. I know this is not a sexy subject, and personally, for a long time, the subject of money was revolting to me. It still is not attractive, but it's creeped its way under my skin as I've naturally been coming into my own independence. I read multiple news sources, and I make an effort to understand the stock market. But most importantly, I pay attention to my surroundings and my gut. There are the two things we are conditioned not to pay attention to. Our over stimulated digital society simply does not allow for us to stop and hear ourselves loud enough or feel ourselves vividly enough to know how we are really experiencing what  is happening around us.

We do not have the luxuries that previous generations did. We are faced with difficult decisions that have the power to shape the future. We must not devalue, minimize, or deny these powers and responsibilities any longer.

I know that some people will read this and say I am hysterical. I am sure I will hear any number of refutes and criticisms. This is not an argument, and I am not saying any of this to offend anyone, spread fear, or out of some demonstration of self righteousness. Every once and a while, something big, important, and WRONG happens, and if no one is talking about it, you know it is your responsibility to do whatever you can to get conversation started. This is me attempting to play some small part in waking everyone up.

I have not disclosed what exactly the catastrophe is that I am so vaguely citing but passionately refuting, and there is no way I can in one blog entry alone. But I will be back here consistently to talk about the shit hole of a crisis we are falling into, and what we can do to prepare and improve it.

Let these words not fall on deaf ears, but if they do, don't be too proud to say so if you wake up and hear one day.

I've spent a great portion of the last few weeks following several current events. My goal with my writing is to write songs outside of my own life. I listened to a great folk singer/songwriter on WTMD recently. His writing was incredibly refreshing because it was completely selfless and relateable because it was conveyed in a way that included everyone. There wasn't a trace of self-obsession in it. It spoke to me instead of at me, and I found myself drawn in to every word. His advice on songwriting was to choose an event and write from a point of view other than your own. This leaves incredible room for creativity and perspective. It made me think about songwriting in an entirely new way.

Obviously, given the reality of the world now, and also that I am somewhat of a cynic, there is no shortage of relevant and important topics to communicate. But there are a few that are particularly nagging me. So much so that thoughts of them are intrusive to my everyday routine. Does anyone else ever feel such a powerful NEED to confront these impossibly unavoidable feelings for the sole reason that they ARE UNAVOIDABLE? This in itself radiates through my gut that my feelings are real, and are based in reality.

Not to get all dooms-day-y, but something big (and bad) IS brewing here. "Here" being the world, not just the country. Of course, given my immediate surroundings and limited worldly experiences, my country is my immediate concern. But the importance of its connection to the larger body of the planet is not underestimated.

I am consistently amazed at the denial that human beings can adopt in the face of unpleasant news or unthinkable circumstances. I am certainly no exception to this very human instinct. It is, very literally, a form of self-preservation. Only in the case of The People of The United States vs. The Irresponsible Government of The United States, it isn't self-preservation at all. It's just the opposite.

Every day I, and I'm sure most other people who have acknowledged the very real potential fate of our future as individuals and as a nation, bear witness to people outright deny the reality in which we are living. They carry on with their often routine shopping habits, their luxurious dining experiences, they plan their investments for their new house, they fork over the plastic with the hope and confidence that the money behind it is still safe, attached to their name, and worth every bit as much as it was when it was earned. Good people, even intelligent people, carry on planning the future they had always dreamed they would have, ignoring the OBVIOUS SIGNS that the capacity for that dream is well on its way to dying. That its happening before their senses, and for whatever reason, they choose to dismiss these signs. At a certain point, it becomes difficult to distinguish the reasoning behind such denial. Some people are simply misguided or unaware, and there is a certain amount of personal responsibility in that. Some people are simply too proud. And some people maybe even simply do not care to be aware. That is tragic and foolish, but also a product of the society we live in, and helped to create.

I believe everyone in this country serves a purpose. We may be the victims in some situations, but we also have accepted and entrusted our wellbeing to the perpetrators time after time. Now, its too late to save. There was a time when "we" could have sucked the poison out and set ourselves onto a prosperous, healthy track. I think that time has passed. Now its a matter of survival rather than prosperity.

Historically, those who choose to live in denial, often don't come out of it until it is too late.

Things have been strange in my little old life lately. I need a place to do a little bit of complaining and sorting through my thoughts so here I am after over a year.

Basically, I am getting a case of the bores. I don't feel very confident in my work lately. My apprenticeship is going by quickly. I have a year left. But I feel like my progress is plateauing, and just when I think I'm approaching a break through, I am confronted with the frustration and disappointment that comes with realizing I still am not *getting it*. This is made worse by the fact that it's hair, not rocket science, and I feel instantly stupid for this reason alone. I study the haircutting DVDs and diagrams, I'm using both the TIGI and Sassoon approach to figure out which one may be more suitable for my learning style and technique, I practice independently whenever I can, as much as I can, I watch my superior's work as much as I can, taking as many detailed mental notes I can muster, but I still haven't reached a moment where it's all clicked. I've actually thought that I had a couple of times, but was corrected on many things by my superiors, and my confidence and enthusiasm plummeted as I was devoured by a personal sense of confusion and stupidity.

I find it hard to articulate these feelings of frustration to anyone, and especially my superiors, since they are trying to help me understrand as much as I am trying to understand. The thing is that I think they think they must not be teaching me properly, or that if they tell me the information in a different way, I will be able to execute a decent wearable haircut on my own, but I honestly think the problem is me. The more I think about it, the more I realize I am not a visual person. This isn't to say I can't train myself to be. Actually, thats precisely what I am doing, and thats precisely why and what is taking so long for me to *get it*. I do not have a mind for shapes. I have a mind for feelings and sounds.

Sometimes I just long for something that comes naturally to me. Something that gives me some release in the first 10 minutes of doing it rather than stress. And realizing the need for this release, and feeling the stress in my current life, and realizing that I could easily but regretfully spend the next 10 to 20 years doing this is what scares the shit out of me.

I wish I had foreseen this sort of regret. But then, if I hadn't taken this route, I suppose I would still undervalue the blessings that a harmonious lifestyle brings.

I know I am only 24, and it isn't too late to follow my dreams. I'm just a bit shaken at how quickly its all gone by. I had a chance to change direction and get in gear just a couple of years ago, and 22 seems so much younger.

I've taken steps. I just bought a guitar. I am singing again. I am writing again. And for the first time ever, I would really like to play a show. And I would like to do it by the summer. Like anything else, I'll just start by taking it a step at a time. But no bullshit this time. This is my last chance. And this time, I'm giving the chance to myself instead of someone else giving it to me. I suppose if there aren't any other breakthroughs going on in my life, this one can definitely take the cake. If only I had been in this place sooner.

Style

A couple of years back, I was asked by a Baltimore Sun journalist how I would describe my "style", or what my style "was". I don't even remember what sort of nerve-induced explanation I spouted out to her, as if I knew at all. Though I AM sure I did not use the word "eclectic"- LORD, do I cringe at the sound of that word in reference to someone's own image. There is no "style" more overdone and unoriginal. Being such, it has acquired this watered down, muddied meaning. Surely not as many people who claim to be "eclectic" actually are eclectic, because then there really wouldn't be any eclecticism alive in fashion or pop culture today- since it's very meaning is a derivative of ideals, styles, and tastes.

...I digress.

I have no idea what I said to this journalist and was rather surprised I was being interviewed in the first place considering it had been one of those days when I had been late to work, thrown on the first thing I saw, along with a long string of pearls and some painted on lipstick. I had scurried out the door with my hair slightly messy in shoes that had hair color stains on them that happened to fall meticulously in a way that allowed them to pass for art. I hadn't showered, had been out the night before and probably smelled like my bar tab, and had a general feeling of urgency in my step as I tried to compensate for what, by my standards, was a poor appearance.

And so, I was feeling a bit baffled by this conversation about my style.

As I've reflected on this experience, I probably should have said something like this:

If I had it my way, I would have enough time (and money) to take a morning bath in lavender-mint bath pearls or else spritz myself with Chanel No.5 as I powder my nose at my vanity mirror adorned with jewels and pearls still in my soft snow-white bath robe, getting up to shop my closet for the outfit that suits me just right that day. Some days, I have enough time to do these things. (Minus the vanity- I don't have one of those, but add it to such a dream scenario because I have always wanted one)

Instead, I usually throw on whatever is the most accessible and the most comfortable, even though that is far less glamorous than most people think of when they think of "style". Also, I am 23 years old and live very modestly, so I must be careful and precise with how I spend money. So, I instead place emphasis on functionality and little details, like a bright red lip or a petite braid in my hair that lends a mysterious touch. I like to off-balance things. If I'm wearing a dress, I'll wear it with my motorcycle boots simply because I find them to be more suitable for my lifestyle- I do a lot of walking, and I don't like to be uncomfortable. Having a wardrobe of things that fit well, along with a few pieces of trends you're daring to try (which is what I usually skimp on, since they are always changing), and a collection of inventive, unique accessories. Or else, the makeup. Bold lips always save an otherwise unimpressionable outfit.

I like not to be rushed in life in general. But that's why my style is so good for me. It's all in the little things, just like life.

A couple of my favorite Fall '11 Trends:

Oriental- The key to making this wearable is subtlety. The nude tones paired with the striped kimono of the same, but varied tone, keeps the outfit focused and streamlined, while the orchid hair accessory allows a fun pop of color.

Burnt Colors- My favorite is burnt orange/yellow, like a mustard color. Many people don't like it or simply can't quite wear it. I remember reading Janie Bryant's book "The Fashion File", and Elisabeth Moss (who plays Peggy on Mad Men) remarked that Janie always put her in the color mustard. "Every time I see that color, I groan and we fight." Her aversion aside, the mustard suited her fair skin, ash-blonde hair, muted pink lips, and blue eyes perfectly. Nevertheless, there are many burnt colors that can fit every skin-tone. Considering "bright" is a positive word this season, a burnt red is a color that looks great on just about everyone.

On another note, I spent some time over the weekend playing around with my calligraphy pens and watercolor crayons. Super fun:

Today I made a decision:

I am throwing away my toothpaste.

After spending an afternoon reading article after article on the dangers of fluoride, I made my first proactive lifestyle decision.

Before you go spouting off about the possibility that I may just be paranoid, or gullible, or simply ridiculous for making such a big deal over a substance that has been in our drinking water since before I was born, let me assure you that I have done everything in my power to ever avoid giving up my Crest toothpaste for Tom's, simply because it tastes better and leaves my mouth feeling cleaner.

I do not enjoy finding out that I'll have to change up my routine (even if it's a matter as simple as brushing my teeth) because, Oops, sorry folks! We -the people in charge of your public health- "forgot" to tell you that fluoride causes long term health effects such as bone disease, brain damage, endocrine problems, kidney problems, and cancer, while also having little to no positive impact on teeth, and, in excessive amounts- actually damaging them.

In addition, I'll definitely be drinking as much purified water as I can. Though, many plastics and packaging also contain fluoride. It's pretty distasteful that it's impossible to get away from completely.

I even found an article in which scientists were discussing the possibility of adding lithium to our water, claiming that it decreases suicides, even though it's only a thousandth of the minimum pharmaceutical dose!

What's wrong with good old H2O? Do we really have to drug our water? Shouldn't we finally be getting to the root of the epidemic that causes people to need these drugs to begin with?

I won't preach much more about this, but if you're interested in knowing more about it, please visit Fluoridealert.org

This week, I'll be trying my hand at mixing up my own toothpaste. I'm rather excited, actually:

Coconut oil (natural antibacterial and antifungal, excellent for gums)

Baking soda (neutralizes acids that are at the root of tooth decay and absorbs odor)

Peppermint or Spearmint oil (optional, but as a fan of that fresh tingly feeling, I will definitely be using one of these)

Stevia (also optional)

Voila! I'll let ya know how all that pans out.

The upside to this is that I think this will push me to be more self-sufficient, and more DIY. I generally try to be aware of what is going on around me. Sometimes though, in fact, most of the time, awareness is not enough. I don't know why I chose to start with my toothpaste, but this is the birth of a more proactive me.

I think that is something to be proud of. :]

Still waiting for some feedback on all these stressors!

I know you are all probably real busy with work and/or heading back to school or feeding your dog and whatever else... but if you get a chance, shoot me an email or comment. You could even rant a bit if you want to, I'm an excellent listener, and have a knack for with-holding judgement, as well as keeping things private. I'd just like to gain insight into what keeps people from actually going crazy. Or if it is rather crazy of a person not to go crazy in the society we live in. There's a whole sloo of questions that will come from this question alone, which I think is entirely important at this point in time. Puh-lease get at me.

To end this entry on a much lighter note, here are some things I've been looking at lately:

My hunger for another tattoo is growing stronger with every moment I stare at this last photo.

What a day, what a day...

The hard drive on my computer decided to crash last night.

After a frustrating morning of my own attempts at playing Mrs. fix-it, I finally bit the bullet and took the poor thing over to the apple store. $180 later, I had a new hard-drive. I'm not complaining about the price because I was expecting it to be around 400 or 500 given it was no longer under warranty- but, alas, there was a bit of silver lining to this whole technological disaster.

Took a shower and pulled a clump of hair about the size of a date out of my head.

Alarming.

I've always shed quite a bit- but not like this.

Why is my hair falling out?

Naturally, like any good hypochondriac, I consulted webmd.

Alopecia. Hypopituitarism. Or just good old fashioned hair loss.

I suppose a typical reaction to the amount of hair I've been losing- especially for a young woman- would be to cry. And I definitely have felt at moments that I wanted to.

But, I remind myself, it's still just hair: at least you aren't going blind or deaf and have all your limbs.

There are always wigs.

Then again, I'm getting way ahead of myself assuming I'll be losing all my hair, or even a noticeable amount.

Either way though, I'm losing a considerable amount and it's quite mysterious.

I alerted my boss, who is a hairstylist, and I went in to get a small trim.

She seemed to think it was all due to stress.

I didn't know whether that was good or bad news.

How does one manage stress in modern day America?

My therapist has spent the whole summer dishing out advice on this very thing. (A bonafied gem of a lady, btw.)

But still, I am bonded ever-more deeply, no matter how good I've become at appearing collected, at harboring a category 5 hurricane inside me.

I won't spend the entire entry trying to convince all of you that my stress levels are exceptionally greater than anyone else's, or more valid; they aren't.

Rather, I'd really like to know, what is everyone's number one stressor, and number one way of relieving stress?

I know it's a rather vague question with perhaps some very obvious answers, but that's sort of the point.

You can comment here, email, or twitter. (Email: loveseablog@gmail.com)

Be honest! I think it would be interesting, and maybe helpful to know, even though obviously we are all different and experience and deal with things in our own ways, what the common ground is, why, and how it can be changed.

Surely, life doesn't have to be this complicated.

On another note, if my hair does decide to stop running away from me, I, for the first time in my life, have a hair goal. I know, it sounds silly, but a hair goal is just what I need to keep me from my spontaneous attraction to scissors. So, By George, do not let me cut my hair.