I'm off work today and for some reason I'm up earlier than my mother- it's 6:30.
Today, I will read.

I've decided it's time to start back up with this one. I have another blog as well, thats more centered around relationships, and overcoming one's fears. More reality and less frills. If there's one thing I'm learning this summer, it's that you need a bit of both to maintain balance and sanity! I've let both of these fall by the wayside as life becomes busy and/or turbulent, and I always end up scolding myself in the end, because I need these sorts of check-points, to keep my mind balanced and focused. So PLEASE, if you read this, and enjoy any of my entries and want to see more from me, please let me know. It will help keep me on task.

The past week or so I've been going through a bit of a funk, and it's been difficult to get inspired and stay inspired. I think almost everyones worst fear is some serious tragedy befalling them- like your entire family drowning in a tsunami or being in flight and witnessing the roof of the plane blow off (seriously happened!) or some other disaster completely out of your control. Or maybe I'm just a paranoid freak? Either way, I'm finally realizing that there are only a handful of things in this world we can control, and that is what I'm trying to spend my time focusing on from here on out- at least 95% of the time. So here, I will post all my dreams, aspirations, and all the things that keep life looking bright and shiny to me. I'll start off with a few things that I am grateful for, so I can always remember, in my selfish, pitiful moments, that I still have a pretty awesome life:

1) My mom, a woman who you'd swear was born with not one, but two hearts and an extra set of eyes for her to cry all her proud, happy tears. A strong-willed, hard-headed, ambitious, brave lady, who has worked tirelessly to fill many shoes over the years. I'd be a different person without her.

2) My sister, a girl wise beyond both our years', also with a big heart, and an even bigger smile. Best and most loyal friend I'll ever have.

3) A heart that feels it all. Though this can also be a downright curse at times, and I have to stay aware of how my heart behaves so it doesn't reach a toxic level of foolishness, (too many Feist references, coincidentally- not that that's a problem) I'm grateful for my sensitivity. I hope I always stay that way.

Love,
Sea

Snow/Soup/Nog/Tarot.

Boy oh boy it's been a bit too long since i've opened my mouth on this thing.
As you can see, I've started making changes in my room. Nothing big, just a bookcase here, rug there, curtains there... little things that have made all the difference. Now I need all of these art kids to hook me up with some wall makeup cause they are bone-bear. But generally, it's coming together much better than before. Yesterday we got almost twenty inches of snow and lily and I feasted on lentil soup and egg nog and ran a free tarot service out of my room. It was a nice atmosphere. I'd like to be snowed in my room more often.

Never Any Doubt.

As much as I enjoy all of these beautiful pretty things and sometimes think they might physically fill whatever is emotionally missing, it's times like this when I realize how silly that is. Nothing can replace relating and loving people. It's easy for relationships to begin and end. I forget to treat them that way.

I'm usually caught up with my own feelings and issues. I listen to others when they speak, but shamefully, i usually wander back into my own half way thru. Once it gets to the point of consoling, I feel like there isn't anything for me to say or do. Reassurance is false, and throwing cliches doesn't seem helpful. But I guess, in the end, all we really want is kindness.

So I think I've found my New Years Resolution- which, in the past, i've never stuck to- but this one will be a process.

I'll pick my battles, and start considering more how I'd like to be treated, and above all, restore faith in people... which is no easy task, i know. But I'm sure the reason I don't trust anyone is because I don't believe that caring people really exist. Which is a contradiction on my part, because my whole philosophy of life is that people are all ultimately good, yet I feel like they're all mostly ugly. It's time to start believing.

Wants And Needs.

(via need supply co.)

When I was younger and my sister and I went out shopping with my parents, I would usually find something I wanted and hint that I wanted them to get it for me. My sister was quick to catch on and would say "Chelsea, that's a want, not a need."
Suck-up.

And yes, yes it is. I want those.

Napkins N' Whatnot.

1. Made an ungodly long trip to Ikea this week.

2. I chose this bin as my laundry hamper, seeing as I can't just keep throwing all my clothes in a suitcase.

3. These napkins were 49 cents a piece, and so soft. I love the red stripe.

4. ...And I got more napkins. Cause how could I not when they look this cool?

Pains In The Ass/Ichat is a delight.

This has been the most pain in the ass couple of hours on this damned computer. I put a great deal of energy into trying to upload pictures off of my camera- switching cameras, memory cards, software, usb ports. It was a mess, and a failure. Better luck tomorrow.

Ichat is so neat. I always forget about it until people force me to use it.