I Just Want To Make Love To You

It's late and I've been reading about Nihilism for far longer than I had intended.
If you were in Baltimore today then you know what a drag this day was.
I can't believe how strange I am to myself sometimes. How did I just morph into this other person for the weekend?

I was youtubing some Etta James and found this girl's channel that's all lip syncing. Here's "I Just Want To Make Love To You":

Thanksgiving/AfterThanksgiving.

I'm back, I'm back! It's been a minute since I've updated what with Thanksgiving and family being in town. Today my Mom, Dave, Cait, and I all went out to lunch/ house hunting in Fells Point. It was a lovely afternoon! I got a small bouqet of flowers at Cross Street, and tried some oysters from the bay which I was a bit skeptical of at first but turned out to be pretty great.

1. Kale, Acacia, and a Peacock feather. :)

2. Saturday after Thanksgiving Oyster Feast in Fells Point. I'm not usually a big fan, but these weren't super slimey or salty. Delish!

3. Making dressing and almond/thyme green beans for Thanksgiving. This was a stressful experience as I started a bit late and my kitchen is a bit too cozy to multitask in. It turned out well, though.

My parents are signing a contract on a place as we speak. Beautiful view and a couple fireplaces. I can't wait for the first snow!

Etsy.com/Scaring my doctor.

1. What I wore today. I can't get enough of the flannel and tights these days. My mom doesn't get it. Neither does my doctor.

2. Poor roomie is sick and laying on the floor because we still haven't gotten a couch. :(

3. New obsession: Etsy.com. Thank goodness I still have to get my new debit card otherwise I'd be in big trouble. Oh god, this teapot is so cute, I can't stand it. It's a wopping $110 so it will never be mine but my, my what a beauty.

4. So many beautiful vintage gowns. It's been a while since I purchased a new one. My prom dress (which, mind you, is actually kind of disappointing in retrospect) was vintage and I used to be a pretty big fool for good vintage finds. I know where I'll be going next time...

PS/LadyGaga

I don't care what anyone says, Lady Gaga is a nutcase/genius and I love her.

ThanksgivingDinnerPrep/ChristmasWishList

1. So today Mama and I set off to shop for all the ingredients for Thanksgiving dinner and of course made a couple pit stops. One to Noodles Corner and one to Sephora/Nordstrom. Hehe. I got some sassy red lipstick, and decided I'm still pissed that someone stole my Hunter boots in Chicago, so am "wishing" for a new pair this Christmas. (Isn't this typical, by the way- my sister posts a blog of all the things she's thankful for...I'm the number one person ;)... and I post a blog of things I want. It's too good.)

2. I'm making the green beans and stuffing for Thanksgiving, which I suppose may become a tradition since I did the same thing last year, only with a different recipe for the green beans. This almond/thyme recipe I have this year is very fitting for the holidays (It smells like Christmas, I'm telling you)- and really simple to make. If you're interested/still not sure what you'll be making, here is the recipe. Aside from all the butter, it's actually not too unhealthy and if you let it, may take away some of the guilt while you're gorging the pecan pie.

3. I'm also thinking I'm gonna enroll myself in some hiphop classes at artofmotiondance so I can feel more like beyonce.

Lampshades/000.

(via poppytalk)

Neatest lampshades I've ever seen.

Hair/Sleeping is serious.

I need to do something to relinquish the boredom of...everything. so i'm chopping all my hair off this week.
And sleep IS serious, as I've gone almost 40 hours straight without it this week and ended up doing and seeing some pretty unorthodox things.

Mazzy Star/Hope Sandoval

Can't get Hope Sandoval's voice out of my head.

Clock/Light/Dinner.

1. I think this clock is actually hideous, just because I'm opposed to tacky writing on mass produced decorations for the most part (This is a product of Target). But it did make me giggle a little because I was actually in Target a few days ago, and was contemplating getting a clock to fill space on my wall... but soon realized what a ridiculous idea this was. One, because the idea of having a clock staring at me, when I already have a phone on constant alarm that sits beside my bed... is simply too much of a reminder that I'm either late, wasting time, wanting more time, or having all the time in the world. I do not want to be reminded that it even exists. So, f*ck the clocks! BUT, if I do happen upon a clock in the shape of an elephant one day... well, I might change my mind.

2. Mary Temple created this installation using latex paint. I wish this use of light was as easy to recreate for all of us, especially during these winter months. I'm in love.

3. My initial reaction to this chandelier was simply "WOW." But there are two kinds of WOW. The good Wow, and the bad Wow. Haven't made up my mind which one is really speaking to me. Oh, and I was wrong, there are three Wow's... how silly of me to exclude the computer game that I will just never understand.

4. I walked past the donut prep area at work today and found these two piles of jelly and custard and immediately thought how they looked like brains. If that doesn't turn you off from jelly or custard donuts, I don't know what will.

5. Had dinner with the family tonight. Mom made a delicious goat cheese/cranberry salad and also a Tequila Shrimp Pasta dish AND, being the wonderful mother she is, actually made the same dish separately with chicken for me since I have this sort of shrimp phobia. We accompanied this with a subtle red zinfandel called Layer Cake which has a spicy finish to it. And another red zinfandel called Twisted, which was a bit sweeter. I enjoyed the former most. Deeeeelicious.

Dagoba/Insomnia.

If you know me, I don't have to explain why I am still awake at 4AM. I've mosey'd over to the fridge about thrice times already. Once for water, once for grapes, and finally I gave in and got what I really wanted- THE DAGOBA.
The one pictured is the lavender blueberry. And it's also my favorite. But, seeing as I'm on this mix-it-up-a-bit kick, I opted for the roseberry. Which is also wonderful.
::Sigh:: I have work in five hours. Hopefully it will be a dead day like it is every Wednesday. If not, it could get ugly.
I forgot to mention earlier that Lily is back in town after visiting all her friends in New York. I particularly enjoyed the fact that the first thing she said when she walked in the door, noticing that the apartment is cleaner than it's been since we moved in, was "Wow, you DID break up with your boyfriend." And that my first exchange with her, after noticing her unmistakable jitters was "Who was it?"
Yep, that's us.

LoveJoyVodka/CroftersSuperfruitSpread/LunaDeLuna

I've kind of picked up a habit of collecting bottles/ jars that I love the shapes, colors, or labels of. New mission- buy this vodka for the sake of making my collection more beautiful.
I finally finished my European Crofters Spread a couple days ago. I chose to stay close to home and go with the North American next- I really wanted the blueberries... But now I have this darling jar!
Lastly, now that I'm twenty one I can finally exercise my right to wine taste. I'm still learning what flavors are what. But the wine I just uncorked in the above picture was particularly delightful. LunaDeLuna. Try it. (I kept the bottle, too. Hehe.)

New Hobby/Apartment Therapy.

So yesterday during my spending spree, I busted into Barnes and Nobles in hopes of finding something new and intriguing. Something that might rekindle an old excitement that had been lying dormant in me for a while. I decided to peruse the sections I never think to look in. I eventually found myself fixed on the Interior Design section. After skimming several books and admiring all the photos- from gawdy, to modern, to minimal, and even reading a bit about this whole "Feng Shui" business (which I soon realized I couldn't take seriously), I came across this book.
I know it seems kind of hokey at first, but hey, at least I didn't find it in the Self-Help section. And besides, I am in no position to be judging anyone's coping mechanisms or proposals to a healthier life. Not to mention, the clinical approach to self improvement is wearing thin on me.
The author started out working at an Interior Design firm in New York, and realized that he absolutely hated working for a firm. So, he became a school teacher instead. But he still missed the creative aspect of his previous profession, as creative minds always do. So, he implemented a business that allowed him to use both his teaching and decorating abilities. He teaches people how to effectively decorate their homes- on their own- in a way that is personal and functional to them. From what I understand, his services are exclusive to NYC, but I just googled "Apartment Therapy" and now see links to Boston, La, San Francisco, and Chicago as well. Here's the link if you're interested. I am now obsessed.
I'm about four chapters in, and a lot of it makes a lot of sense to me. Just as Lily has brought the importance of whole food intake to my conscious mind, this woman is affirming the things I have been aware of to some extent for sometime, but have been ignoring consciously.
Apparently, I am a "Cool" person, which means I see my home as an inconvenience. I want it to be comfortable but keep it as low-maintenance as possible. I don't quite know how to make things warm, only efficient. (Which certainly isn't a bad thing) Though, contrary to the bulk of this description, I do tend to hoard anything with the slightest bit of sentimental value. For the time being, all of those things are in storage from my parent's recent move to Baltimore. But I do fully intend to go through all of those things- and hopefully- HOPEFULLY- realize that the writing in all the letters i've kept are practically faded, the paper thinning and I don't look at them for years at a time. And for godssake, No, No my children will not care about any of that stuff. My journals, however, those I'm keeping.
So anyway, this book is sort of an eight step program to reevaluating your living space, breaking it down, and rebuilding (not in a literal sense... i will not be smashing any walls... hopefully) I've been needing some sort of creative project, and I think this is probably a good and productive starting point.
My mother will be pleased, what with her background in interior decorating and everything. I'll probably be seeking her advice as this operation matures.

"What Does It All Mean?" Days.

I hate to reduce myself to a cliche, but really, the only thing I can say to sum up any of the current events in my personal life is that I have no idea what any of it means. Nothing is too clearly defined, despite any efforts. And it seems to be okay that way.
I feel like I'm in a relationship now that I've ended it. The pressure of "the label" was probably too much. Especially with the distance.
Today I woke up and went out all day. It was kind of nice. Cleaned the apartment. Bought well over my estimated budget's worth of groceries. I quickly reassured myself that it would all be going to good use. Got the first season of Madmen and naturally launched into three episodes as soon as I was done cleaning. Also got a book on interior design/decorating for apartments. I've been meaning to make my room look more like someone lives in it. The only way I know how to give anything warmth and personality is by painting a wall or two, and since SuzieQ Landlady won't let us do that, I've got to explore my options and get some inspiration. I could use a good creative project right about now.
And I also bought an NCLEX prep book, which, for everyone else, probably sounds like the most boring thing in the world. But I'm in such an anxious/impatient state about all this nursing stuff. I just want to know everything now, and take the test, and get on with it. Sounds like I have the right attitude, right? I've semi enjoyed a couple subjects this semester, but by this point, I'm full of resentment that I'm being forced to waste my time with all of this busy work. I think that's anyone who's ever had a problem with school's problem with school. Only it seems like most of the people I know are able to clamp down and realize that if they have to do it, they have to do it. I, on the other hand, last only a short time being that cooperative, and then my stubborn ways get the best of me and I decide "There MUST be a way AROUND this."
There usually is, if I try hard enough.

I can do anything I want because I look good in leather.

Things I've been thinking/doing/not doing:
. sleeping for 14 hours at a time.
. sleeping through my 6am shift at work.
. having visions of destroying everything i see.
. listening to lots of new order and fleet foxes (not at all compatible)
. not talking to my boyfriend.
. staying in.
. thinking i should lower my ambitions for the time being, and be an LPN by next year, and then work on an RN.
. missing my mother.
. missing jj.
. not crying, but wanting to.
. being broke, since i can't deposit my check on a sunday.
. having half a mind to spend my paycheck on a ticket to some place.
. dreading myself.

it's alright. i'll be fine.

Armageddon, Chicago, and Being Less Square.

I had this dream last night about the Apocalypse. The sky was a giant screen with words written on it, kind of like a scroll. The only word I remember is "Judgement". I suppose that doesn't help all that much, but given the strong association with that word alone, and the Apocalypse, I probably don't need too many more hints.
I don't remember how I actually died, or the actual act of dying but I know I transcended into some other dimension, one that indicated I was dead. Weirdest dream of my life. Not in the Holy-Shit-The-Apocalypse-Is-Here sort of way (though maybe it is) but in the How-Are-People-Capable-Of-Feeling-This-Cosmic kind of way. I don't know. Strange, but not a nightmare.

I'm back from my weekend-stay in Chicago.
As usual, that place boggles and bores me, clouds me and clears me, loves me and loathes me.
I do all the same for it. So we're pretty cool.
One thing resulted from it. And, probably, a few other things, in relation to this one thing: I feel like myself again. Everything all at once has this new sparkling breath to it.
I'm more in love with life than I've been in a long time. (Which probably only means I will soon hate the shit out of it)
If it sticks, I'm in store for some major adventures. And probably some major hell.
If it does not stick, I'm in store for about the same, minus the adventures.