I hate to reduce myself to a cliche, but really, the only thing I can say to sum up any of the current events in my personal life is that I have no idea what any of it means. Nothing is too clearly defined, despite any efforts. And it seems to be okay that way.
I feel like I'm in a relationship now that I've ended it. The pressure of "the label" was probably too much. Especially with the distance.
Today I woke up and went out all day. It was kind of nice. Cleaned the apartment. Bought well over my estimated budget's worth of groceries. I quickly reassured myself that it would all be going to good use. Got the first season of Madmen and naturally launched into three episodes as soon as I was done cleaning. Also got a book on interior design/decorating for apartments. I've been meaning to make my room look more like someone lives in it. The only way I know how to give anything warmth and personality is by painting a wall or two, and since SuzieQ Landlady won't let us do that, I've got to explore my options and get some inspiration. I could use a good creative project right about now.
And I also bought an NCLEX prep book, which, for everyone else, probably sounds like the most boring thing in the world. But I'm in such an anxious/impatient state about all this nursing stuff. I just want to know everything now, and take the test, and get on with it. Sounds like I have the right attitude, right? I've semi enjoyed a couple subjects this semester, but by this point, I'm full of resentment that I'm being forced to waste my time with all of this busy work. I think that's anyone who's ever had a problem with school's problem with school. Only it seems like most of the people I know are able to clamp down and realize that if they have to do it, they have to do it. I, on the other hand, last only a short time being that cooperative, and then my stubborn ways get the best of me and I decide "There MUST be a way AROUND this."
There usually is, if I try hard enough.
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