Snow/Soup/Nog/Tarot.

Boy oh boy it's been a bit too long since i've opened my mouth on this thing.
As you can see, I've started making changes in my room. Nothing big, just a bookcase here, rug there, curtains there... little things that have made all the difference. Now I need all of these art kids to hook me up with some wall makeup cause they are bone-bear. But generally, it's coming together much better than before. Yesterday we got almost twenty inches of snow and lily and I feasted on lentil soup and egg nog and ran a free tarot service out of my room. It was a nice atmosphere. I'd like to be snowed in my room more often.

Never Any Doubt.

As much as I enjoy all of these beautiful pretty things and sometimes think they might physically fill whatever is emotionally missing, it's times like this when I realize how silly that is. Nothing can replace relating and loving people. It's easy for relationships to begin and end. I forget to treat them that way.

I'm usually caught up with my own feelings and issues. I listen to others when they speak, but shamefully, i usually wander back into my own half way thru. Once it gets to the point of consoling, I feel like there isn't anything for me to say or do. Reassurance is false, and throwing cliches doesn't seem helpful. But I guess, in the end, all we really want is kindness.

So I think I've found my New Years Resolution- which, in the past, i've never stuck to- but this one will be a process.

I'll pick my battles, and start considering more how I'd like to be treated, and above all, restore faith in people... which is no easy task, i know. But I'm sure the reason I don't trust anyone is because I don't believe that caring people really exist. Which is a contradiction on my part, because my whole philosophy of life is that people are all ultimately good, yet I feel like they're all mostly ugly. It's time to start believing.

Wants And Needs.

(via need supply co.)

When I was younger and my sister and I went out shopping with my parents, I would usually find something I wanted and hint that I wanted them to get it for me. My sister was quick to catch on and would say "Chelsea, that's a want, not a need."
Suck-up.

And yes, yes it is. I want those.

Napkins N' Whatnot.

1. Made an ungodly long trip to Ikea this week.

2. I chose this bin as my laundry hamper, seeing as I can't just keep throwing all my clothes in a suitcase.

3. These napkins were 49 cents a piece, and so soft. I love the red stripe.

4. ...And I got more napkins. Cause how could I not when they look this cool?

Pains In The Ass/Ichat is a delight.

This has been the most pain in the ass couple of hours on this damned computer. I put a great deal of energy into trying to upload pictures off of my camera- switching cameras, memory cards, software, usb ports. It was a mess, and a failure. Better luck tomorrow.

Ichat is so neat. I always forget about it until people force me to use it.

I Just Want To Make Love To You

It's late and I've been reading about Nihilism for far longer than I had intended.
If you were in Baltimore today then you know what a drag this day was.
I can't believe how strange I am to myself sometimes. How did I just morph into this other person for the weekend?

I was youtubing some Etta James and found this girl's channel that's all lip syncing. Here's "I Just Want To Make Love To You":

Thanksgiving/AfterThanksgiving.

I'm back, I'm back! It's been a minute since I've updated what with Thanksgiving and family being in town. Today my Mom, Dave, Cait, and I all went out to lunch/ house hunting in Fells Point. It was a lovely afternoon! I got a small bouqet of flowers at Cross Street, and tried some oysters from the bay which I was a bit skeptical of at first but turned out to be pretty great.

1. Kale, Acacia, and a Peacock feather. :)

2. Saturday after Thanksgiving Oyster Feast in Fells Point. I'm not usually a big fan, but these weren't super slimey or salty. Delish!

3. Making dressing and almond/thyme green beans for Thanksgiving. This was a stressful experience as I started a bit late and my kitchen is a bit too cozy to multitask in. It turned out well, though.

My parents are signing a contract on a place as we speak. Beautiful view and a couple fireplaces. I can't wait for the first snow!

Etsy.com/Scaring my doctor.

1. What I wore today. I can't get enough of the flannel and tights these days. My mom doesn't get it. Neither does my doctor.

2. Poor roomie is sick and laying on the floor because we still haven't gotten a couch. :(

3. New obsession: Etsy.com. Thank goodness I still have to get my new debit card otherwise I'd be in big trouble. Oh god, this teapot is so cute, I can't stand it. It's a wopping $110 so it will never be mine but my, my what a beauty.

4. So many beautiful vintage gowns. It's been a while since I purchased a new one. My prom dress (which, mind you, is actually kind of disappointing in retrospect) was vintage and I used to be a pretty big fool for good vintage finds. I know where I'll be going next time...

PS/LadyGaga

I don't care what anyone says, Lady Gaga is a nutcase/genius and I love her.

ThanksgivingDinnerPrep/ChristmasWishList

1. So today Mama and I set off to shop for all the ingredients for Thanksgiving dinner and of course made a couple pit stops. One to Noodles Corner and one to Sephora/Nordstrom. Hehe. I got some sassy red lipstick, and decided I'm still pissed that someone stole my Hunter boots in Chicago, so am "wishing" for a new pair this Christmas. (Isn't this typical, by the way- my sister posts a blog of all the things she's thankful for...I'm the number one person ;)... and I post a blog of things I want. It's too good.)

2. I'm making the green beans and stuffing for Thanksgiving, which I suppose may become a tradition since I did the same thing last year, only with a different recipe for the green beans. This almond/thyme recipe I have this year is very fitting for the holidays (It smells like Christmas, I'm telling you)- and really simple to make. If you're interested/still not sure what you'll be making, here is the recipe. Aside from all the butter, it's actually not too unhealthy and if you let it, may take away some of the guilt while you're gorging the pecan pie.

3. I'm also thinking I'm gonna enroll myself in some hiphop classes at artofmotiondance so I can feel more like beyonce.

Lampshades/000.

(via poppytalk)

Neatest lampshades I've ever seen.

Hair/Sleeping is serious.

I need to do something to relinquish the boredom of...everything. so i'm chopping all my hair off this week.
And sleep IS serious, as I've gone almost 40 hours straight without it this week and ended up doing and seeing some pretty unorthodox things.

Mazzy Star/Hope Sandoval

Can't get Hope Sandoval's voice out of my head.

Clock/Light/Dinner.

1. I think this clock is actually hideous, just because I'm opposed to tacky writing on mass produced decorations for the most part (This is a product of Target). But it did make me giggle a little because I was actually in Target a few days ago, and was contemplating getting a clock to fill space on my wall... but soon realized what a ridiculous idea this was. One, because the idea of having a clock staring at me, when I already have a phone on constant alarm that sits beside my bed... is simply too much of a reminder that I'm either late, wasting time, wanting more time, or having all the time in the world. I do not want to be reminded that it even exists. So, f*ck the clocks! BUT, if I do happen upon a clock in the shape of an elephant one day... well, I might change my mind.

2. Mary Temple created this installation using latex paint. I wish this use of light was as easy to recreate for all of us, especially during these winter months. I'm in love.

3. My initial reaction to this chandelier was simply "WOW." But there are two kinds of WOW. The good Wow, and the bad Wow. Haven't made up my mind which one is really speaking to me. Oh, and I was wrong, there are three Wow's... how silly of me to exclude the computer game that I will just never understand.

4. I walked past the donut prep area at work today and found these two piles of jelly and custard and immediately thought how they looked like brains. If that doesn't turn you off from jelly or custard donuts, I don't know what will.

5. Had dinner with the family tonight. Mom made a delicious goat cheese/cranberry salad and also a Tequila Shrimp Pasta dish AND, being the wonderful mother she is, actually made the same dish separately with chicken for me since I have this sort of shrimp phobia. We accompanied this with a subtle red zinfandel called Layer Cake which has a spicy finish to it. And another red zinfandel called Twisted, which was a bit sweeter. I enjoyed the former most. Deeeeelicious.

Dagoba/Insomnia.

If you know me, I don't have to explain why I am still awake at 4AM. I've mosey'd over to the fridge about thrice times already. Once for water, once for grapes, and finally I gave in and got what I really wanted- THE DAGOBA.
The one pictured is the lavender blueberry. And it's also my favorite. But, seeing as I'm on this mix-it-up-a-bit kick, I opted for the roseberry. Which is also wonderful.
::Sigh:: I have work in five hours. Hopefully it will be a dead day like it is every Wednesday. If not, it could get ugly.
I forgot to mention earlier that Lily is back in town after visiting all her friends in New York. I particularly enjoyed the fact that the first thing she said when she walked in the door, noticing that the apartment is cleaner than it's been since we moved in, was "Wow, you DID break up with your boyfriend." And that my first exchange with her, after noticing her unmistakable jitters was "Who was it?"
Yep, that's us.

LoveJoyVodka/CroftersSuperfruitSpread/LunaDeLuna

I've kind of picked up a habit of collecting bottles/ jars that I love the shapes, colors, or labels of. New mission- buy this vodka for the sake of making my collection more beautiful.
I finally finished my European Crofters Spread a couple days ago. I chose to stay close to home and go with the North American next- I really wanted the blueberries... But now I have this darling jar!
Lastly, now that I'm twenty one I can finally exercise my right to wine taste. I'm still learning what flavors are what. But the wine I just uncorked in the above picture was particularly delightful. LunaDeLuna. Try it. (I kept the bottle, too. Hehe.)

New Hobby/Apartment Therapy.

So yesterday during my spending spree, I busted into Barnes and Nobles in hopes of finding something new and intriguing. Something that might rekindle an old excitement that had been lying dormant in me for a while. I decided to peruse the sections I never think to look in. I eventually found myself fixed on the Interior Design section. After skimming several books and admiring all the photos- from gawdy, to modern, to minimal, and even reading a bit about this whole "Feng Shui" business (which I soon realized I couldn't take seriously), I came across this book.
I know it seems kind of hokey at first, but hey, at least I didn't find it in the Self-Help section. And besides, I am in no position to be judging anyone's coping mechanisms or proposals to a healthier life. Not to mention, the clinical approach to self improvement is wearing thin on me.
The author started out working at an Interior Design firm in New York, and realized that he absolutely hated working for a firm. So, he became a school teacher instead. But he still missed the creative aspect of his previous profession, as creative minds always do. So, he implemented a business that allowed him to use both his teaching and decorating abilities. He teaches people how to effectively decorate their homes- on their own- in a way that is personal and functional to them. From what I understand, his services are exclusive to NYC, but I just googled "Apartment Therapy" and now see links to Boston, La, San Francisco, and Chicago as well. Here's the link if you're interested. I am now obsessed.
I'm about four chapters in, and a lot of it makes a lot of sense to me. Just as Lily has brought the importance of whole food intake to my conscious mind, this woman is affirming the things I have been aware of to some extent for sometime, but have been ignoring consciously.
Apparently, I am a "Cool" person, which means I see my home as an inconvenience. I want it to be comfortable but keep it as low-maintenance as possible. I don't quite know how to make things warm, only efficient. (Which certainly isn't a bad thing) Though, contrary to the bulk of this description, I do tend to hoard anything with the slightest bit of sentimental value. For the time being, all of those things are in storage from my parent's recent move to Baltimore. But I do fully intend to go through all of those things- and hopefully- HOPEFULLY- realize that the writing in all the letters i've kept are practically faded, the paper thinning and I don't look at them for years at a time. And for godssake, No, No my children will not care about any of that stuff. My journals, however, those I'm keeping.
So anyway, this book is sort of an eight step program to reevaluating your living space, breaking it down, and rebuilding (not in a literal sense... i will not be smashing any walls... hopefully) I've been needing some sort of creative project, and I think this is probably a good and productive starting point.
My mother will be pleased, what with her background in interior decorating and everything. I'll probably be seeking her advice as this operation matures.

"What Does It All Mean?" Days.

I hate to reduce myself to a cliche, but really, the only thing I can say to sum up any of the current events in my personal life is that I have no idea what any of it means. Nothing is too clearly defined, despite any efforts. And it seems to be okay that way.
I feel like I'm in a relationship now that I've ended it. The pressure of "the label" was probably too much. Especially with the distance.
Today I woke up and went out all day. It was kind of nice. Cleaned the apartment. Bought well over my estimated budget's worth of groceries. I quickly reassured myself that it would all be going to good use. Got the first season of Madmen and naturally launched into three episodes as soon as I was done cleaning. Also got a book on interior design/decorating for apartments. I've been meaning to make my room look more like someone lives in it. The only way I know how to give anything warmth and personality is by painting a wall or two, and since SuzieQ Landlady won't let us do that, I've got to explore my options and get some inspiration. I could use a good creative project right about now.
And I also bought an NCLEX prep book, which, for everyone else, probably sounds like the most boring thing in the world. But I'm in such an anxious/impatient state about all this nursing stuff. I just want to know everything now, and take the test, and get on with it. Sounds like I have the right attitude, right? I've semi enjoyed a couple subjects this semester, but by this point, I'm full of resentment that I'm being forced to waste my time with all of this busy work. I think that's anyone who's ever had a problem with school's problem with school. Only it seems like most of the people I know are able to clamp down and realize that if they have to do it, they have to do it. I, on the other hand, last only a short time being that cooperative, and then my stubborn ways get the best of me and I decide "There MUST be a way AROUND this."
There usually is, if I try hard enough.

I can do anything I want because I look good in leather.

Things I've been thinking/doing/not doing:
. sleeping for 14 hours at a time.
. sleeping through my 6am shift at work.
. having visions of destroying everything i see.
. listening to lots of new order and fleet foxes (not at all compatible)
. not talking to my boyfriend.
. staying in.
. thinking i should lower my ambitions for the time being, and be an LPN by next year, and then work on an RN.
. missing my mother.
. missing jj.
. not crying, but wanting to.
. being broke, since i can't deposit my check on a sunday.
. having half a mind to spend my paycheck on a ticket to some place.
. dreading myself.

it's alright. i'll be fine.

Armageddon, Chicago, and Being Less Square.

I had this dream last night about the Apocalypse. The sky was a giant screen with words written on it, kind of like a scroll. The only word I remember is "Judgement". I suppose that doesn't help all that much, but given the strong association with that word alone, and the Apocalypse, I probably don't need too many more hints.
I don't remember how I actually died, or the actual act of dying but I know I transcended into some other dimension, one that indicated I was dead. Weirdest dream of my life. Not in the Holy-Shit-The-Apocalypse-Is-Here sort of way (though maybe it is) but in the How-Are-People-Capable-Of-Feeling-This-Cosmic kind of way. I don't know. Strange, but not a nightmare.

I'm back from my weekend-stay in Chicago.
As usual, that place boggles and bores me, clouds me and clears me, loves me and loathes me.
I do all the same for it. So we're pretty cool.
One thing resulted from it. And, probably, a few other things, in relation to this one thing: I feel like myself again. Everything all at once has this new sparkling breath to it.
I'm more in love with life than I've been in a long time. (Which probably only means I will soon hate the shit out of it)
If it sticks, I'm in store for some major adventures. And probably some major hell.
If it does not stick, I'm in store for about the same, minus the adventures.

21.

Happy Birthday to Meeeee! As you can see from the picture to the left, I had myself a good old time with my beau. We partied the night away and then, naturally, I had a case of wine-induced beer tears. Thankfully, he gave me a get- out- of the- nuthouse-free card since it was my birthday and I could cry if I wanted to. And cause he loves me, of course. :) I also received a very tasteful locket that I somehow broke the same day I got it. Silly silly silly me. Luckily, it's fixable, and I will be putting it on display for all the world to see as soon as it is. I am, however, wearing it in this picture.

This weekend is halloween and I couldn't care less so I'm working!

Next weekend I'll be visiting my friends in Chicago which I'm pretty excited for.

I miss Caity. I'm excited for Thanksgiving and am ready for all the people I love (or almost all of them anyway) to be in one place if only for just a few days.

This semester is flying by. I'm rather excited to be moving onto more interesting subjects, and I hope not to give another speech for at least five years.


That's all.

Do Not Read "Sybil" Before Bed.

No, it is not bedtime story material. I've got an unshakable eerie feeling in me that resembles the feeling I had after I saw "The Exorcist" for the first (and only) time. I still can't sleep if I start to think about it. So glad I've encountered yet ANOTHER sleep disturbance.
Oh but, don't worry, I'm going to finish that book whether my psyche likes it or not. No pain, no gain, people!

In other news, fall is really here. It's wonderful and right on schedule- my nostalgia has just arrived. I'm praying for a few good snows this year. But, of course, that's winter...

I talk about the weather far more than anyone I know. That probably means I'm either boring, awkward, or just fucking weird.

Still miss Gru. He teased me into thinking he was going to be visiting this weekend but, alas, he WAS JUST teasing.

Obviously, you need a recap here.

Tonight Lily and I laughed for a good fifteen minutes straight about, seemingly, everything, on the way home from our now ritual trip to Barnes and Noble.
We finally received our first electric bill and were both pleasantly surprised to find that we would not have to sell our bodies to pay for it. Or at least I was.
Saturday night we tried our hand at socializing and went to a party. We stayed for twenty minutes and decided to leave and get coffee instead. Then on the drive there we decided that we'd rather just go home.
We're fuckin' lame. Don't even excuse my french.

Tomorrow is Monday Funday. I will be spending it studying.

I had the pleasure of receiving a visit from my mother a few weeks ago, and now am receiving a visit from Dave currently.
It's starting to feel like we're all getting a little older.

Caity left for Cinnci and it seems she's propelled herself into another planet. I'm very happy for her.

My winter candle is already almost done-for. :(
Oh well, another excuse to go to Williams and Sonoma and buy more kitchen knicknacks!

These entries are becoming lackluster. Sorry folks.

It's off to bed so I can wake up early enough to clean out the landfill that is my car before I take Dave to the airport in it. Ah, familial preparation.

Coffee: After a big dinner party it is taken standing up. Take it without sugar -- very swank: gives the impression you have lived in the East.

::Sigh:: I'm baffled, but I'll do what I can, within reason.

Goodbye Summer, Hello Fall!

Alright so once again, I am giving this report at least a month late. I think it's safe to say the only continuity this blog will be receiving is... my terrible internet punctuality.
I'm sure everyone has been waiting with baited breath to hear about the goings-on of my relentlessly exciting life.

I'll start at the middle and most important part. I have decided to become a nurse. Don't ask me where that came from because I still can't figure it out. I think the desire has been there all along, I just never really considered that I could do anything that required a lot of schooling and discipline. But, I guess I just realized that I'm capable of a lot more than I thought, and have this intense inner urge to do something that aligns me with the things I care about most in life (as most people do) For me, it's helping anyone who needs it.

But, enough of that I've-Found-My-Calling mumbojumbo...

I'm starting up with dancing and yoga and walks in the park again this week. This last month has been a bit too hectic to do it all, and I've missed it quite a bit.

Mom and Dave sold the house in Texas. Maryland in September. Ohh, boy.

I'm off to bed. Much too antsy/tired/all over to make this entry organized. Better quit while I'm ahead (kind of?)

Kiss Me Beneath the Milky Twilight.

As per usual, I haven't quite kept up with my devotion to the blogosphere. Truth be told, I've been rather busy since I got to Baltimore. I'm working at this bakery in Ellicott City and it's actually more than bearable most of the time since I'm working with Lily more often than not and even Noah on occasion.

I feel a lot more at ease than I did a month, maybe even a year ago. It's been a while since I've been so calm, actually.

I'm dating this guy who's a real catch. To quote Ms. Jo, "I definitely wouldn't kick him out of my bed for eating crackers."

And I pretty much Swing dance/ Blues dance religiously. Or at least as often as possible.

Lily and I went to yoga class last week. They don't call it Hot Yoga for nothin'. I almost passed out. But I prevailed.

I went rock climbing, but didn't belay. I may just go again.

Potlucks/dinner parties are in the works.

Paper Moon is all the rage.

I feel a bit silly not really saying anything other than how excited for life I am right now... but, now that I think about it, there ain't nothin' wrong with that, is there?

I'm on a slippery slope to vegetarianism. Which, isn't all that surprising.

PuppyLove.

Caitlin and I are finally done packing and are setting out on our three-day journey tomorrow. We've been anticipating this moment for a lifetime, it seems!
Though, don't get me wrong, I've actually rather enjoyed the time I've spent here. In some way, I think it was most necessary to go to some sort of transitory place of rejuvenation before starting over [again] somewhere new. Kind of like rehab.
Ha.
But anyhow.
I suppose you've noticed the adorable picture in the upper left by now.
For those of you who have not had the great pleasure of meeting this lovely pooch: this is Auggie.
She's the family pup. [Actually she's not so much of a pup. But I'm staying in denial!] She believes she is bigger and meaner than she is sometimes. We seem to have a fickle bond, she and I. Both of us being rather aloof, sometimes forget that the other exists. [She is most attached to Dave, my Step-Dad, and follows him around as puppies often do] But we always seem to know when the other is needed. She comes to me for bananas, I come to her when I'm afraid of the dark. She goes on walks with me when no one else will, and she gives me kisses when no one else will. I'll play with her rugged toys, stick ice cubes in her water, and occasionally chase her around the house just to get our blood flowing. We've developed a nice little system. Today we went on a walk around the neighborhood for the last time, and of course she was just about hanging herself with the leash half the time, and of course she stopped every eleven seconds to smell a new patch of grass. But I've got to say, she simply offers the most unconditional love I will probably ever know.
I don't quite know what prompted me to write an entry dedicated to her, other than that her birthday just passed and I'm leaving her tomorrow. I just think the girl deserves a little recogniztion like the rest of us!

Now off to bed so I don't fall asleep at the wheel tomorrow.

Love,
'Sea

Dreamy.

An oldie but goodie.

Brilliance

Soulmates.

The last twenty four hours have completely satisfied my personal belief that they do exist for a variety of reasons, but definitely one in particular. Exhibit A:

ME: alright dear. as lame as it is, i am tired and am going to read the bible and go to sleep.
ME: the bible. you heard right.
LILY: hahahah IM DOING THE SAME THING BEFORE I GO TO BED
LILY: I WAS JUST THINKING THAT
ME: hahahahaha no wayyy!
LILY:WE ARE SOULMATES YOU NEED TO GET HERE

Only us, quite certainly.

In other news, I was rather productive today and am so excited to start trucking across the country next week.

This song has been on my brain. And I think it's capable of giving anyone peaceful dreams:


Love,
'Sea

L'ensemble prêt disparaissent!

This is the beginning of a new chapter in my life, and this will hopefully be a comfortable place to share adventures, thoughts, new discoveries, and a few laughs with family, friends, and perhaps a few strangers.

Today was one of those quietly excitable days where things may not be just as you want them, but for some reason it doesn't seem to matter because the sun is too bright to get you down.
I live for these days!

I've acquired quite a lengthy book list this summer. I hope to get through at least half of it. [I DO mean lengthy!] After some mild persuasion from a good friend, I decided to start reading up on Buddhism. And I also recently reached my absolute peak of curiosity towards The Bible, and so am finally delving into that at my own pace as well. A couple of Ayn Rand works are in my possession, one of which I'm flying through, the other which I'm merely trotting through. So... not exactly beach-reads! Though I have made a bit of room for those, too. :]
I've realized how important it is for me to be in a completely quiet, organized environment when reading. It's so easy to get distracted!

I'm hoping with time it will be easier to 'be myself' on this thing. Until then, I apologize if this seems to calculated or dull! It's like moving into a new house as I see it. Once I'm here for a while and I have all my knick knacks in their place, I'm sure it will feel more like home. :]

However, now it's 11:00 and I solemnly swore to myself that tonight would be the dawn of a new [functional] sleeping schedule. Bed time at 12:00! That's right, bed time!

Until the 'morrow!

Love,
'Sea